Author’s Response

I recently lost my job, and ever since, I haven’t been able to muster the drive to do, well, something. Now I came to the realization that my actions may actually follow a pattern that I had observed at work. Specifically: Unless under pressure or given a lot of duty, I flounder. I find it strange, but I first became aware of it when I was only a humble worker making the barest minimum to survive at my first job. I had a drowsy feeling. However, I was still a respectable worker, and later I received the title of supervisor. As soon as I felt like I had command over something, everything for me changed. I started caring about what I was doing about immediately, had put in extra effort, and was actively involved in every aspect of it. I adored it and developed into a fantastic worker. Since then, every job has been the same: I can hardly accomplish anything unless someone is truly depending on me to manage everything crucial.

I’ve never really been in a situation where my financial commitment is essential, and my partner makes enough money to support us. I didn’t realize that maybe it’s making me feel pointless, and as a result, my life lacks the obligation I long for.

The biggest issue for me, although, is that acknowledging the issue is ineffective. Even though I am aware that if I simply forced myself to look for employment— a voluntary position, or ANYTHING that would encourage those feelings of responsibility— I would begin to revert to my normal self, it doesn’t help. I simply didn’t look to give a damn. How can I end the period then? And why do I need stress more than just live under it?

Response from a psychologist

You seem to have realized how many pressure resembles an ocean wave. We seek the ideal wave, similar to surfers, one that is neither too powerful nor too weak to help us land on our boards upright. When we are under too much stress, we frequently succumb to the storm or lose our foundation before achieving our objective. For fear of falling and failing, we occasionally simply avoid the strong flood entirely. On the other hand, when pressure is too low, we frequently lack the impulse to accomplish our objectives, and the influx tends to dissipate very quickly, which is what you appear to be going through.

However, I believe you’ve done some really good projecting and are starting to see patterns and requirements for a larger lake. The connection between your needs and your atmosphere is what isn’t working properly, not something inside of you. Additionally, I have a sneaking suspicion that the circumstances surrounding the termination of your previous career— which, it would seem, was not your decision— may be making it even harder for you to muster the motivation to worry.

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When someone loses their job, it is frequently think very much like grief. A job loss may result in a number of losses, such as the reduction of construction, accountability, social contacts, and an everyday place to go. We frequently don’t think like ourselves when we are grieving and experiencing a reduction. We experience increased sluggishness, fatigue, changes in appetite, feelings of isolation, or problems interacting with others. Even more crippling can be the pressure to find a new work combined with these challenges. In these circumstances, it can be beneficial to discuss the damage with a trustworthy friend or mental health professional, to take on more self-care, and to find ways to put the pressure of looking for work off until you’ve considered what the task meant and what it means to not have it right now.

Finding a counselor who specializes in technical guidance may be beneficial after going through the grief process because many coaching psychologists have training in career assessment and growth. In order to find a great person-environment that is more inspiring and motivating for you, an experienced professional may work with you to discover your interests, skills, and beliefs. Finding something important and pleasant may be worth the time and effort for you right now because work is a crucial component of our lives and identities. As you consider possible career paths, it may be helpful to learn more about who you are and how you might grow on a larger wave.

Problem from the Reader

I frequently spend the entire evening sitting and thinking obsessively about a subject. I’m not so positive about the time, but I try to identify and comprehend my emotions in relation to my attempted suicide three or two years ago. I occasionally feel helpless and ashamed of myself when I reflect on my attempted murder. The idea that those who are aware of my attempt believe I am helpless, terrible, and self-conscious because I tried to end my life is consuming me. In other words, I’m genuinely curious as to why I have this sinking feeling. I’m proud to say that I have a good understanding of psychology and that my feelings are out of the ordinary. I have made several attempts to learn more about it, but to no avail. I’m hoping you may at least identify the experience for me.

The Psychologist’s Response

I believe that what you are experiencing is sorrow, which many people in your position have experienced before. It is that sense of regret, grief, and grief that we all experience occasionally in existence. Pity, regrettably, can be a very damaging feeling that may worsen rather than improve our circumstances and struggles. Shame is a feeling of guilt and inadequacy that originates from within. However, that is only a portion of the challenges that someone who is recovering from an attempted murder may overcome. Another aspect that is equally terrible is shame. The world around us is where the shame comes from. Society conveys the idea that what we have done is wrong or taboo and that we are flawed in some way, poor, and uncaring.

People who have considered murder, tried to kill themselves, or actually committed suicide have a significant stigma surrounding them. Media, peer, and also family messages about death tend to paint those who are struggling with it as weak, insane, flawed, or self-centered. This mark frequently has a negative impact and does not take into account information about depression or mental chemicals. The shame simply serves to increase the shame felt by those who battle depression and suicide. Even more depressive thoughts may result from this. It’s a cycle that can go on forever for some of my customers.

Although attitudes toward suicide are gradually improving — we’ve seen many people speak out against the stigma of suicide, for instance, when Robin Williams passed away— the stigma is still so pervasive in our culture that most people, especially the elderly, are reluctant to discuss it. Death is a topic that many people are reluctant to discuss, which just makes understanding and providing assistance more challenging. We are less likely to ask for help and support from those who can offer it if we are hesitant to speak up for fear of how others may respond. A successful suicide prevention program works to lessen the shame connected to experiencing this way.

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Some facets of our community make people feel guilty about having suicidal or depressive thoughts. People are frequently referred to as” committing” suicide as they would a crime or sin. This kind of speech has been employed in an effort to dissuade individuals from committing suicide. Although our society does have good intentions, I believe that this only encourages people who are depressed to cover rather than seek the necessary assistance. It just gets worse as a result.

The most frequent statements made by my clients who have attempted suicide or were contemplating it include phrases like” I’m weak ,”” A burden to everyone ,” and” Oh, I must be crazy.” These concepts were previously discussed in my post,” 4 Tales About Suicide.” One of the worst effects of this mark is that it makes us feel as though we need to keep our emotions hidden and fight on our own, by ourselves. Being by ourselves with our melancholy just makes it worse. My clients frequently claim that they didn’t discuss it because their loved ones, friends, and doctors will not comprehend. You are not alone, but I can’t guarantee that all you want to understand may( possibly because they have accepted the stigma and negative information ). Finding others who understand is useful in recovering from a death effort because there are many people out there who have experienced this, just like you. It can be a life-changing experience whether you find them in your family, associates, social networking, or depression support group. You can find a ton of online resources, such as Waking Up Live, What Happens Nowadays?, and beyondblue, to help you start to comprehend what it means to restore from this. Many of us who know someone who is depressed are frequently hesitant to inquire about their suicidal thoughts. But, simply asking can help lessen the shame associated with it by letting people know it’s okay to talk about it.

Problem from the Reader

I haven’t had many friends since I was a young child, and when I started being bullied, that number dropped to zero. When I moved to a new class and made friends, I kept that routine just in case my friends decided to leave me. I had to make friends with my professors, and over time, that’s what I got used to doing— sitting with them at breakfast and talking to them during recession. Then, whenever a professor doesn’t like me, it keeps me up at night worrying about everything I might have done incorrectly. I often want to be there for my beloved teacher to support them and ease any anxiety they may be experiencing. However, whenever I make a mistake or feel as though I’m bothering them, it’s destructive, and I feel like bringing down the god. Therefore, my query is:

Is it detrimental to hold my teacher in such high regard and to want to be associates with them rather than just being friendly? If I keep my distance?

Psychologist’s Response

It is only natural to love professors, to want to win their favor, and even to hope to become friends with them. It is simple to fall in love with teachers because they frequently possess traits we wish we possessed in ourselves, such as compassion, kindness, wisdom, compassion, and warmth. Instructors also pay attention to us, particularly when we effectively respond to questions or put forth effort. However, there are times when we overestimate the significance of the notice, wrongfully believing that our relationship with a teacher is unique from everyone else’s. All of these feelings and thoughts are normal; what matters is how we handle them and what we do with them.

When contemporaries have not been as accepting( and have instead bullied ), I can understand how teachers have been particularly kind to you and how you feel their support and friendship. Often, when we find it difficult to relate to people our own era( or when they struggle with us ), we discover that we have a lot in common with our teachers. However, just as it’s crucial to have our faculty and other reliable people serve as our safety traps( much like you did when moving to a new school ), we also need to keep learning new strategies for interacting with and developing friendships with people our own time. Some teachers does assist with these skills, but frequently a reputable advisor at the college or maybe formally licensed therapist or psychologist can provide particular tools for facilitating the development of friendships and peer relationships.

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People can get frightened or flustered around expert figures( like teachers) when they are worried about what they think of them. They may also put them on a pedestal, as you described. This may occasionally be a sign of Social Phobia or Social Anxiety Disorder. If this is the case for you, a qualified mental health professional can assist you in determining it and, in that case, you provide structured ways to help you see professors and other authority figures more realistically. Students’ responsibilities are to listen to their instructors and make the most of the lessons they are given, while teachers’ responsibilities include assisting students in learning. We start to mix boundaries that are crucial to ensuring that students learn when we begin to misinterpret the marriage as being closer.

You even mentioned wanting to support your professors at all times to ease their stress. This is a crucial edge that you could work on. It is the responsibility of other people with whom they have age-appropriate friendships and relationships, never any child’s job to help reduce stress in adults. If a tutor gets irritated, it might be because they see this line being crossed. It is appropriate to have a good relationship with savvy by paying attention to the teacher, asking for assistance with school-related issues( both the learning materials and gaze conflicts ), and following their instructions.

Yes, it can be detrimental for you to need an adult connection with your professors, to answer your question. Consider the good restrictions described below rather than viewing it as distancing. Instead of focusing on relationships with your professors, you might want to consider how to carry your need for encouragement and friendliness into your own peer relationships. My prediction is that you will get along better with your professors, care less about them, and feel better about yourself once you start experimenting with giving your same-age friends more effort( with consultant assistance if necessary ).

Problem from the Reader

I’m not sure what to do with my uncle any longer. I was 15 when my parents split up, and I moved in with my father. He always treated me poorly, mistreated me in every way, coerced me into believing anyone, and yet turned me against my mother throughout my entire life. During the marriage, anything he told me turned out to be his doing, not hers. I therefore trusted him for six years before getting married and leaving at the age of 22. Everything he said turned out to be false. He has changed me so drastically that I can’t help but apologize to everyone and everything. I blame myself for all, I find it impossible to laugh at jokes, and I constantly put myself down and think I have to do everything in order to satisfy my dad. It is currently severing my bond with my father. I have to visit my dad once a week, call him every evening, and comply with all of his requests. I’ve made numerous attempts to put an end to it, but each time he responds, I can’t speak; instead, it’s yelling, fighting, and also threatening to slap me. And each day I cry, I come back to him. I will lose my father, brother, and everything I own if I don’t act quickly. I don’t want to let go of my life’s one and only source of joy. I’ve been destroyed by him. I need assistance because I don’t understand what to do.

The Psychologist’s Response

It sounds like you’ve had a hard time with your father, but you have also been able to see things clearly and pay attention to the stuff you don’t want to put up with any longer. It seems like leaving his home was the first step in comprehending both his strategies and your own reactions to them.

I get the impression from your outline that two items are taking place:

1. It is unlikely that much of your father’s character may change.
2. You might have more control over the marriage depending on how you choose to react to your parents.

People occasionally experience a sense of helplessness and entrapment in the design of how they react to people, particularly their parents. Consider the degree of emotional and physical radius from your parents that you might be able to tolerate in these situations. I saw a lot of” have tos” in your description, but I’m not sure what will happen if you don’t agree. If someone is emotionally and physically aggressive, there isn’t a good way to stay in contact with them until the mistreatment stops. It sounds like there are risks of mistreatment when and if you engage with him.

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I’m curious as to what keeps you in touch with your dad— is it out of duty, the fictitious expectation of his approval, or something else? I’m wondering if there is a way to established firmer restrictions with him without” ending it”; the fear of you cutting him off may be driving some of this behavior when well. If he is willing to acknowledge and stop the abuse.

The first thing I would advise anyone in this circumstance to do is sit down and create a plan that would work and feel secure for you when speaking with your parents. If it were up to you, how frequently would you want to test in with him on the phone, putting away his needs and needs? How frequently would you like to discover him? After the manner he’s treated you, would you want any touch with him at all?

It might be beneficial for the two of you to sit down with a neutral third party( such as an authorized counselor or licensed counselor) to find ways to communicate these limitations with him so that he can hear them once you are more aware of your needs in the partnership( and have made up your mind whether you want to date him with all ). Starting with” Dad, I love you and want you to be a part of our life, but I have my own home that I sometimes have to put first” can be helpful. May we arrange to meet somewhere in the center? Another strategy might be to start ignoring his names and offers and responding to or accepting them just when you have the time and energy to do so( as well as for him ). You are free to impose restrictions on your own time and energy because they are yours. You have the right to quietly leave or hang up the phone if he yells and screams. It’s crucial that you intentionally try to get in touch with him when using this strategy, particularly if you’re both in a relaxed, balanced mood. When you’re enraged or frustrated, trying to make adjustments will only make the issues you already have worse.

It can be very difficult to set boundaries with parents, or with others in our lives who pull for us to pay attention to them. Your anger toward your father is valid; it’s finding a way to effectively communicate that anger and set your own boundaries that is difficult. Talking to a licensed mental health provider may be most helpful for you given the pain you’ve experienced. I would also suggest reading Harriet Lerner’s Dance of Anger as another resource in figuring out how to express your feelings clearly while navigating this difficult relationship.

Writer’s Response

I have no idea what’s wrong with me. I’m envious of those who enjoy foods because I never get to enjoy it as much. Most issues don’t interest me at all. I don’t feel depressed or sad very frequently; instead, I really feel empty and uninspired. If I ever feel inspired to do something, it vanishes in an instant. Going to the gym used to be fun for me, and it felt fantastic. Five years have passed since then. I find it difficult to exercise right then. I don’t think content about being around friends or new people whenever I sit with them; neither do I experience any feelings of pleasure. I adore math, science, and computer technology, but whenever I find myself involved in one of these fields, I just didn’t seem to focus on it because I discover that doing the things I most enjoy is not enjoyable. I don’t experience any sense of relief or happiness. I experience this overpowering sense of emptiness once or twice a month, lasting from weeks to months. Maybe I don’t actually care to eat or drink because I have no interest in doing so. This doesn’t appear to be a case of despair. Is that even feasible?

The Psychologist’s Response

Anhedonia, a significant aspect of sadness, is what you describe in large part. Simply put, anhedonia is the inability to enjoy activities that are typically entertaining or enjoyable. It frequently manifests as a lack of motivation to do the things you enjoy doing or an absence of enjoyment from the activities you typically enjoy, also known as” avolition.” Some of my patients have depression as a significant component of their depression, maybe even more so than simply feeling down or depressed. Many people describe it as ongoing feelings of loneliness, never boredom but rather hopelessness, loneliness, or isolation. I observe depression most frequently as a factor in decreased sex drive and cultural isolation.

Although depression is most often linked to depression, it can also be found in psychosis, anxiety, and personality disorders, albeit less often. According to some researchers, depression may cause the brain’s pleasure facility to shut down, making it challenging to feel good and essentially limiting the amount of satisfaction we may experience. Others have argued that anhedonia restricts how much we may feel good, so even when we do, it doesn’t last long enough to matter.

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Regardless of the cause, lethargy is frequently quite difficult and can hinder the recovery from depression by making it harder to work, advance, and make an effort. It can be challenging to muster the motivation to advance, especially if you don’t feel like it. But it is necessary to aid in your treatment. Making an effort to maintain as much of your regular schedule as you can can have a significant impact. Fighting those urges can help you get out of the way you’ve been feeling, even though depression and despair can make us want to take out, stay in bed all morning, and ignore the relationships we need. Getting out of bed does occasionally be the first step. after which getting dressed. next a meal. therefore start taking the next step. Start off by taking it in little steps. Before you even start to consider the next step, carriage yourself through each one. Basic exercise, even in small doses, has been found to significantly reduce depression. Exercise, even in small doses, will release toxins in your mind that improve mood and motivation. A great way to getting started is to go for a stroll. Getting up and start moving. Another solution that benefits many is medication. Antidepressants that act quickly are thought to help the brain regain its capacity for joy. Although drugs may have some drawbacks, the entire benefit frequently outweighs them.

Self-shaming or being self-critical about this is one point to watch out for. Anhedonia affects many active and productive persons, who frequently view it as a defect in their personalities. They refer to themselves as sad, slow, and lazy. I observe this in people who had incredibly higher levels of production and exercise prior to the onset of their depression. We must keep in mind that this is a brain-based cerebral and chemical process. Anyone in this position needs to be aware that the depression is having an effect on your brain. It’s not something you did, and it doesn’t mean that your identity as a person has changed permanently. Criticizing yourself to get moving and leave, humiliating yourself, or” guilting” yourself into doing better will probably only make you feel worse. Adding small self-esteem to your melancholy won’t help and will only make things worse. Go easy on yourself if you’re in this situation. Motivation will inspire you more than guilt and shame. Treatment is a procedure. Allow yourself to go through that process without worrying about how long it will” should” take for you to recover. I have never witnessed people” yell and scream” at themselves to feel better while working with a lot of unhappy people. I would say,” You can do this ,” to anyone in this situation. You possess this.